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LPT: High beams aren’t a permanent fix for your burnt out low beam headlight. Fix it and stop pissing everyone else off.

With an ear of corn, you throw away the outside and then cook the inside, then you eat the outside and throw away the inside.

Medical offices have a lot of nerve asking you to show up 15 minutes early but then not getting to you until 45 minutes after your scheduled time.

LPT: When painting stairs, paint every other one so you can still use them. When they dry, paint the others.

The elderly are no longer automatically given respect because the state of modern medicine allows them to get old in spite of a lifetime of bad decision making instead of having survived so long through good decision making. Age no longer equals wisdom.

Losing your voice when you talk too much is your body's way of telling you to stfu

LPT: If you have a hard time getting up in the morning, take some deep breaths to get oxygen to your brain, organs and muscles

When a prostitute takes her clothes off she is actually putting on her work clothes

LPT: If your friend always self-deprecates to get easy laughs out of people, your friend is probably hurting on the inside, and they're probably self-deprecating to make a joke out of their own self-hatred. Check in on that person today.

Someone thought of putting clocks on mobile phones so we don't need to look at our watches, then someone else thought of putting phone functions in our watch so we don't need to look at our mobile phones

LPT: If you want to see the first Whatsapp message with someone, but don't want to scroll all the way up, see if you've sent them any pictures. You can instantly go to the first picture by holding it and pressing "Go to message" and scroll up the remaining messages.

Nobody can insult you like a child can. Not because they are malicious, but because they are honest and very observant.

LPT: If they have to convince you it's not a pyramid scheme - it's a pyramid scheme!

Most of the people alive at 11:11 11/11/1111 had no idea there was anything interesting about that moment.

LPT: take a picture of the groom when the bride walks down the aisle.

Fred and George had the maurader's map for years and never thought twice about how Ron had a guy named Peter Pettigrew in his bed every night

LPT: Drastic change (typically) occurs by making small progress daily. Pacing and consistency tends to be much more important than intensity

The sofa people and the door frame people need to sit down and sort out this whole width business.

LPT: Just let people be wrong, arguing with them could just mean wasted time

In the 1960s, people fantasized the 21st century would have robotic vacuums, still have cats as pets, and some visionaries might have even predicted on-demand video. But nobody could have predicted the 21st century would have thousands of on-demand videos depicting cats riding on robotic vacuums.

At this moment there's a giant perpetually exploding orb in the sky that will blind you if you look at it and the only thing that protects everything from being destroyed by its scorching rays is a magic forcefield generated by a swirling volcano in the planet's core.

LPT: Incoming college students - write one thorough, well-written introduction about yourself that's touching and genuine in a word document. Then copy and paste it into "introduce yourself" discussion posts for the next four years.

LPT: If you are applying for a job via Facebook, be aware that the person looking at your application is one click away from your profile page

Mexicans are simultaneously stereotyped for being lazy and for taking people's jobs.

LPT: If you have to pay a company to work for them, it's a scam. Period.

The first human to hear a parrot talk probably wasn’t ok for a few days.

LPT: If your housewarming present isn't cash, wait until the home owners are moved in for a week or two. Your gift may get lost in the sea of boxes; they might also discover something desperately needed after the fact and you can be a hero.

College Students are simultaneously stereotyped for not getting enough sleep and for sleeping all the time.

LPT: always assume when you’re put on hold that the other person can still hear you.

Patrick Star's face is on his leg

LPT: Tag your doggos. Please..

LPT: Use 'K' instead of 'space bar' when watching a Youtube video to pause it. It'll be more reliable as 'Space bar' sometime scroll the page down.

You ever think about what people will be like in 1000 years? How it's almost impossible to think about? In 1018 somebody thought the same thing. You are the uncomprehendable future they thought about.

LPT: if you don't know/understand your bank's policy on something, imagine the scenario that is worst for you and best for the bank. That is their policy.

The Sims becomes a lot less interesting a game when you grow up and you have to live the daily challenge of working, paying bills, looking after your family, sleeping with the maid etc

LPT:When exercising, take pictures of your before, so you can see your progress over time. The first picture you take is your real rival that you must overcome, I know you can.

LPT: When you are angry/enraged, stop and ask yourself: “What is the violation?” If the question doesn’t apply, anger is being used to express another underlying emotion: sadness

LPT: When packing for a flight, create a list of all the contents in your luggage in case your bags get lost. Makes the reimbursement process a lot easier to figure out.

Women's clothes designers don't put pockets on women's clothes so they can sell them bags

LPT: Never Sign a Contract without reading AND modifying it.

We are fortunate that farts aren’t as sudden, violent, and difficult to suppress as sneezes.

LPT: Listen to your favorite songs with high quality headphones at some point. You'll notice tons of small production details you missed before, making you fall in love with them all over again.

When We were kids, We thought that quicksand and the Bermuda Triangle would be a lot bigger problem than it turned out to be

LPT: Never put anyone in a "it's them or me" situation. They will always choose the other person because you are forcing an ultimatum.

LPT: When buying a car, always try to go to the dealership near the end of the month. The seller will be more inclined to cut you a deal.

Smart phones killed the alarm clock industry