Salt Peanuts!

As humans were evolving, the first one to develop a sense of humor must have faced a REALLY tough crowd.

LPT: Putting on a maxi dress takes less effort than sweatpants and a shirt and people will think you dressed up.

Phones have gotten so thin and fragile you have to put a case on it to make it thicker and more durable.

LPT: Invest in a dashcam. You can do all the right things, but depending on the circumstances, it could still be your fault.

People would be a lot more willing to rate apps if they didn't have to switch apps to do so.

LPT: Learn to become comfortable with saying "no". It is also just as important to learn how to accept when someone says "no" as well.

There’s always at least one outlet that goes unused on the surge protector. Not because it wasn’t needed, but because there’s always that annoyingly massive power supply that covers the neighboring outlet.

LPT: When to use your/you’re, there/they’re, etc.

The worst thing about having High-functioning Autism is that you're too weird to be considered normal, but too normal for people to believe you're autistic.

LPT: If you are going camping this summer, bring pumpernickel bread or no bread at all

Today, using newspapers to blend in the crowd is more suspicious than not using one.

You're not afraid of being alone in the woods, you're afraid of NOT being alone in the woods

LPT: If you are struggling financially to put food on the table visit a church and tell them your situation. Most have Food Pantries that give out a weeks worth of food for free every week, enough for everyone in your family.

The worst part about having a really clever password is not getting to brag about it.

LPT: Don’t ask people who have been dating for a long time when they are getting married. If one of them hasn’t proposed yet they may not be planning on it and you’re just making them uncomfortable.

Saying your heart is responsible for love and emotions is just the brain's way of being able to blame another organ if things go wrong.

LPT: Reach out to your acquaintances when you don’t need something. Ask them how they have been and what’s new every so often. It will keep your relationship stronger so when you do need something they are more willing to help.

At an all-you-can-eat buffet, marijuana is a performance-enhancing drug.

LPT: Regularly clean your house alarm's keypad, as the numbers for the code will be dirtier than the rest, giving thieves more chance of guessing the code.

It'd make more sense if the number 3 had the value of the number 4, because 3 looks like the half of 8.

LPT: If your house looks really good on a certain day, take a picture of it. It'll come in handy when you go to sell.

If another man/woman is able to steal your significant other away from you, they probably did you a favor.

LPT: Don’t forget to donate food this summer! Typically, folks excessively donate in the winter to food banks before or during the holidays, which is great. But in the summer, donations are lowest, so this is when the food bank’s need is greatest.

Life is just collecting people to come to your funeral.

LPT: If someone has a wardrobe malfunction, don't stay quiet about it, most likely they don't know about it and would thank you for telling them

People who focus on whether the glass is half full or half empty miss the point. The glass is refillable.

LPT: If you fall in to cold water, fight the urge to swim for safety and float instead

The Brain is the most important organ you have, according to the brain.

LPT: Almost everyone who is 'good with money' shares a common trait: they make a detailed budget for the next month and stick to it. If you've never done so, tomorrow (the 31st) is a perfect day to start.

For being The Final Fantasy, they sure do have a lot of sequals.

LPT: If a stranger asks you to take a photo of them or their group with their phone, take it in the landscape orientation.

There's something blissful about waking up in bed and checking the time and seeing you have four hours left in bed instead of four minutes

LPT: If someone’s presence doesn’t add any value or significance to your life or your time, their absence shouldn’t take away any of it either.

If real animals were Pokémon, kangaroos would just be the evolved form of rabbits.

LPT: do not invest time in others that they wouldn't invest in you

LPT: If an ad on YouTube is unskippable and long, you can tap the (i) in bottom left hand corner, then "stop seeing this ad", then choose irrelevant, repetitive, or inappropriate (all work). It will end immediately and earlier than if you had watched the entire ad.

The actual plot of Infinity War is about a single father trying to end world hunger with his rock collection.

LPT [NSFW]: If you are inexperienced with sex always get the girl off with oral or a handjob first. It lowers the pressure on you to perform because she already got "her half" of the encounter.

Shows with laugh tracks would be actually funny if the laugh track were replaced with the sound of just one guy laughing hysterically

LPT: when your ISP raises your bill, call in and say “cancel service” to the automated operator. You’ll be sent to their retention team with no waiting on hold. They will usually take $10-20 off your monthly bill for a year. I do this once a year.

If police really wanted to deter speeding, they'd be parking in plain sight rather than hiding in median with a radar gun

LPT: If you run out of lighter fluid, a paper towel soaked in cooking oil will burn for long enough to light charcoal.

LPT: if your friend is making a lifestyle change, show support and don't make fun of them. As a close friend they'll look to you for approval before most people.

Statistically, somebody DID die 7 days after watching The Ring

LPT: If you’re on the ground floor trying to get to high floors of a tall building, hit the ground floor button as soon as you reach the top for those at the bottom. It’s harder to go up than to go down with the stairs.

Buying a Ferrari for normal city driving is like buying a 5k gaming rig to browse the internet

LPT: Do NOT wish anyone (especially a Veteran) a "Happy Memorial Day"

People who ask late sleepers when they woke up, really don’t care about the time, but simply want to feel superior because of their more conventional sleep schedule.

LPT: check Walmart.com for prices before going to Walmart irl.

Squirrels are basically rat hardware running monkey software.